It's been a couple of weeks since I last posted on my blog. To say that these couple of weeks have been stressful would be an understatement. During this time we celebrated Taylor's birthday, had the one year anniversary of Taylor's death, had my 92 year old mother fall and break her leg, and then had my mother pass away. I really hate summer.
We decided as a family that we really didn't want to be home for Taylor's birthday or for the one year anniversary of his death. Some friends of ours let us stay in their condo at the Canyons. I didn't realize it at the time we accepted the invitation to stay at the Condo that we were actually going to be staying at one of the resorts where Taylor liked to snowboard. In fact it didn't hit me until the second day we were there. It was kind of fitting and kind of peaceful.
Taylor's birthday was so hard. I was so consumed with loss that I had a real hard time the entire day. We took a ride up to the resort on the Cabriolet and walked around the resort. As we were walking around a song came over the loud speaker. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. It was the song from Electric Light Orchestra that Taylor used on his first sponsor me video. I looked over and Morgan and Paul and said "Coincidence?" We all knew it wasn't. We all knew that Taylor was there with us on the mountain and he wanted to make sure that we knew it too. It was such a beautiful day sitting in the sun and listening to one of Taylor's songs. I miss him so much and am grateful for the little reminders of him.
On the 30th I decided to turn my phone on do not disturb because I didn't want to get overwhelmed with people asking me how I was. I was having an OK morning. I was sad but I had peace too. When we started to pack up to head home I looked at my phone and saw I had two missed calls and two text messages from my brother. I read the message and it said that my mother had fallen in her driveway and had broken the neck of her femur. In my panicked state though I thought it said she broke her neck. I crumbled to the floor in tears. I kept saying over and over not today, please not today. I can't take another loss today. We hurried to the hospital where they had taken my mother. When I got there she had a lot of morphine in her system and was asleep. And this started the longest week of my life thus far.
Mom went into Surgery on the 1st of July. The surgery went well, but mom never did snap back after the surgery. The doctors told us she was only allowed 3 midnight stays with her insurance and that we needed to look into finding a therapy center for her to stay in. After her surgery though she didn't improve the way the doctors had hoped. She could barely stand up and to do therapy would require her to do work for at least three hours a day and that wasn't about to happen. Then her kidneys started to fail and she didn't want to eat or drink. The day after her surgery the doctor told us that therapy was out of the question for mom and that we should start looking at hospice care for her. We were able to take her to her home on the 4th of July. Together as a family my three brothers and their wives along with Paul and Morgan and my niece Kami sat by my mother's bedside and listened to the hospice nurse instruct us on how to care for and give medication to my mother. I prayed and prayed the entire week and all that day that Heavenly Father would see fit to allow mom to go home to him and be with my dad and Taylor as well as my brothers and sister - in-laws who have already passed on. I couldn't bare the thought of my sweet mother confined to a bed for weeks or months feeling like she was a burden on us and losing her dignity. After the nurse left we put my mother's favorite music on. Good old fashioned country music. Her favorite singer was Eddie Arnold. Even though mom didn't open her eyes or talk to us, we knew she was happy to be home. We watched her lift her arm and tap out the beat to her favorite songs a number of times while we were there. That will be a memory that I will cherish for the rest of my life. That knowledge that she was happy to be home and at peace. The next morning I got a call at 7:00 in the morning telling me that mother had just passed away. My relief that she no longer suffered was over powered by my feelings of sadness for losing my mom. She was my best friend. The two of us had been alone together ever since my dad died when I was twelve. After I got married she would spend the holidays with us and I would talk to her everyday on the phone. I'm not sure how I'm going to get through this as well as continue to figure out how to move on without Taylor. Together these two deaths have hit me hard. I know my mother is happy now. I know that she is with my dad and the reunion was something that I wished I could have seen, but the loss here on earth is hard.
The next few days were filled with planning and carrying out my mom's wishes regarding her funeral. One of her requests was for me to give her life sketch with my brother Kim. I knew it was something that I was supposed to do, but I was scared to death and afraid that I wouldn't or couldn't do justice to the amazing mother I have. I had many sleepless nights leading up to her viewing and funeral. Her funeral was beautiful and the chapel was full of family and friends who loved my mother. She touched many lives and the evidence was in the number of people who attended the viewing and funeral. I'm sure mom was surprised as well. She always told me that being 92 nobody would be around to attend her funeral and that everyone who remembered her was dead. Boy was she wrong.
Here is my piece of the life sketch for my mother. I'm not sharing it to brag on what I wrote, but to share with you how amazing my mother was:
I get to talk about the
golden years. They weren’t golden
because of mom’s age, they were golden because mom had me. I’m kidding, they were golden because it was the
time of me and my best friend my mom.
After dad died it was just
the two of us at home. The boys as I so
kindly call my brothers were gone with their families and helping us from
there. It was mom and I the dynamic duo.
When I read that I was
supposed to talk today, two things kept popping into my mind. Mom wants this short and sweet and how on
earth can I possibly put into words all that my mother is and pay her the
proper tribute she deserves. She was 92
and a half years old. I have to add the
half because Mom let everyone know exactly how old she really was. I decided instead of just telling you
stories, I would use words that described the traits that I felt my mom
had. My list was pretty long, so please
know that as I tell you about my amazing mother that she is so much more than
what a few minutes at her funeral is going to allow me to talk about.
Talented/Smart - My mom was able to take the talents that
Heavenly Father gave her and excel at them.
As Kim has mentioned she excelled in her studies, her music and also in her love of horses. My favorite thing to do with mom was playing
duets on the piano. We would spend hours
playing together. We used to have fun
seeing how fast we could play the songs.
Mom and I would spend hours sitting together playing duets. Mom was also
very clever. She always had a momism
that fit just about any moment. I always
wondered how she remembered them all.
Mom also loved to do crossword puzzles and word puzzles. Every once in a while I would get a phone
call from her asking me if I could give her abbreviations for computer lingo or
slang. Other than that my mom was a word
genius.
Educator – Although my mom
didn’t have a four year degree that didn’t stop her from being a teacher. My mother taught piano lessons for a long
time. When I was younger I thought she
was teaching piano to every kid in American Fork. She obviously wasn’t but I can almost
guarantee you that the majority of the youth growing up in the 6th
ward learned to play the piano from my
mom. Not only did she teach her students
how to play the piano, she also taught them about never giving up. I remember her having a can sitting on the
piano that said there is no T in can.
She used this saying with her piano students who thought a song was too
hard and they didn’t think they could do it.
She also used this on me a lot. Whenever
I would get discourage and want to give up, she would say. There is no T in your can. Mom also spent many years working for Alpine
School District. She worked in the
mother’s high program as well as the adult education program. Here she helped young mothers and adults earn
their high school diplomas. She loved
assisting the students and giving them the help and encouragement they needed
to not give up and keep going to graduate.
Fearless – My mother was
the bravest woman I know. The only thing
that I know she was afraid of was lightning.
This is ironic because my dad and grandpa sold lightning rods. I remember whenever there was a storm day or
night, mom would grab me and we would go and sit in the car or go for a
ride. Mom felt safer with the rubber
tires under her even though we had a lightning rod on our house . Other than that my mom wasn’t afraid of
anything. If a mouse went scurrying
across the floor she would just step on it kill it and then take it outside for
the cats to have. Snakes in the yard,
nope not afraid. Spiders on the walls,
nope not afraid. If she was afraid of
anything, I never knew it.
Courageous and Independent,– My mom faced many challenges
in her life. She lost children, her
husband, her parents, daughter-in-laws and grandchildren and through each of
the challenges mom found a way to rise above.
Even when life was the hardest I can remember her say – smile and the
world smiles with you cry and your cry alone.
After my dad died I remember she realized that there were a lot of
things that dad did that she didn’t know how to do. Mom didn’t give up. She learned how to do all the things that dad
did with a lot of help from my brothers especially Mike. Mike was always there to help mom. Mom relied on him for so much and she was so
grateful for all he did for her. I kind
of think she drove him nuts with her
list after list of honey dos that now he got to do. My mom
and I had a lot of adventures. Every
summer and Christmas we would go to either Colorado to see Jay or California to
see Randy and Kim. Mom would navigate us
through airport and train station and never bat and eye or act intimidated by
the size or the crowd. There was a time
when we were on a plane and I told her I was afraid the plane would crash. She just looked at me and said. If it crashes we will be with dad and if we
get there we will be with family, so how can we possibly be scared and it was
true. I was never afraid of flying
again. As mom got older the biggest
thing for her was keeping her independence.
She didn’t want to live with any of us.
She wanted to stay home, eat what she wanted, sleep when she wanted, and
watch whatever she wanted and she didn’t want any of us to tell her what to
do. I loved that about her. Mom knew what she wanted and she did it
herself. She didn’t need to rely on
others. That is a trait that I would
like to have.
Service /Talented– Mom was
always giving service. I never knew Mom
to turn down a calling in church. Even
when she questioned whether the calling was inspiration or desperation, she
took the calling and served her calling to the best of her ability. Mom was a leader, but she didn’t like to
lead. She preferred to be among the
supporting cast. As a young girl I
remember going with mom down to the church for the quilting bee and watch all
the gray haired ladies in the ward sew quilt after quilt for others. I also remember the many phone conversations mom would have with
those members of the ward and her friends checking in on them and making sure
that they were OK. But my mother’s
favorite act of service was when she was working with children. She played the piano for a number of years at
Forbes elementary school for the different grades. There was many a class program where you would
see mom sitting at the piano playing the patriotic or fun songs that the kids
were singing too. Her favorite church
calling was the pianist for the primary.
A calling that she had for 24 years.
She loved playing the piano for the primary kids. She always said she felt the spirit the
strongest when the primary kids were singing.
Mom also spent countless hours in service to her family. She was always asking us what can I do for
you, or she would send you a check in the mail at times when you thought you
weren’t going to be able to make ends meet.
Mom always knew and wanted to make sure that her kids were OK.
Nature lover – Mom wasn’t
your tree hugging, granola eating, camp out in the forest nature lover. Mom was the savor the beauty nature lover. She loved sitting on her patio looking at her
flowers. Randy and Kim got her hooked on
bird watching. Once she got the bug it
was all over from there. Her back yard
was the home of at least three if not four different bird feeders and she would
spend hours watching the birds that came to feed. She always had a pair of binoculars and a
bird book sitting on the kitchen counter so that when a new bird would land on
her feeder she could look it up and learn all about them. She loved it when the Nazuli buntings would come. Mom was always so worried when she would run
out of food for the birds. I’d tease her
that she loved her birds more than her family and she would say they don’t
sass.
Beautiful/Elegant/Well
Mannered – My mom was a knock out. But her
beauty wasn’t only skin deep. Mom was
beautiful inside and out. She held
herself with dignity and took pride in herself.
She always used good manners and was the first to call you out if you
weren’t using your manners. No elbows on
the table, how to set a table properly, saying thank you and please, acting the
way a lady should act. She always would
find a way to teach all of us proper manners.
Mom was always put together. On
one occasion I was watching mom get ready for the day and asked her why she
always put her makeup on first thing in the morning and she looked and me and
told me that her mother always did it and that if you got yourself ready first
thing in the morning you were ready for the day and any visitor that may stop
by. I’m not so good at that one. I do brush my hair when I wake up but make up
– not so much. Sorry Paul.
Straightforward/unconditional
love/forgiving – My mom had this amazing ability to love you no matter what
mistake you made. Don’t get me wrong, as
her family can attest, if you messed up or you disappointed her she would let
you know. You always knew where you
stood with mom. But even when she was
laying it on you how disappointed she was she would never leave the
conversation with you feeling bad. She
would let you have it, tell you how or suggest ways to fix it, and then tell
you how much she loved you and how much potential she saw in you. Mom didn’t hold a grudge. Her ability to forgive and forget astounds
me. If she would get her feelings hurt,
and I know it happened a lot, she didn’t dwell on it. She would just say it’s water off a ducks
back and move on.
Family – Family meant
everything to mom. She loved her
children, her grandchildren and her great great grandchildren with all her
heart. Her greatest pleasures came when
the family would come to visit. I would
call her everyday and part of our daily conversations was her telling me about
who had stopped by, called or sent her a card.
Mom had what we all called her brag wall. Every picture she got from the family went up
on the wall and she would point out the latest and greatest additions to her
wall. Mom also had pictures of family in
every room of her house. As she got
older and didn’t like moving around as much she would spend hours sitting in
her green chair looking at her family on the wall. Family brought her joy. Mom’s greatest fear was that after she was
gone we as a family would fall apart and stop seeing each other. She used to complain to me about how the
siblings never talked to each other and if it wasn’t for her telling us what
was going on in each other’s lives we would never know. We as a family have to commit to making sure
our legacy as descendants of Ira and Gwendolyn Taylor lives on. That we don’t lose touch and we stay connected. If not, we may find ourselves being haunted
by a sweet little lady that we all know and love.
Counselor – My mom was the
best listener there was. I don’t think
there is one of us in this family who hasn’t bent mom’s ear with our
problems. We all knew that we could go
to her and talk about anything. That’s
what I loved most about her. I could
tell her anything and she wouldn’t judge me, or get mad at me. She would just
listen and help you work through whatever it was and if she didn’t have the
answers she would tell you, but she wouldn’t dismiss you, she would just let
you know that she loved you . She
helped me through rough times. She was
our shoulder to cry on so many times.
Our Rock and Our Example –
I don’t know about the rest of the family, but for me she was my rock. She was the person I looked to to give me
strength, to find courage to carry on, to look at trials and diversity and find
a way to grow from them. She never let
her challenges or her trials define her.
She stayed true to her faith, lived righteously and never questioned her
testimony. My mom had a testimony of the
gospel of Jesus Christ. She loved the
Gospel, she loved her Savior and she relied on him and her Heavenly Father
through some tremendously tough challenges.
No matter the trial she always knew that her Heavenly Father was
there. For that I am grateful. I’m grateful for the foundation in the gospel
that my mother and father instilled in me.
I’m grateful that she made sure I went to church each week, that I saw
her pay her tithing and saw her receive the blessings that come from it. I’m grateful for my time with Mom. Even though I am extremely jealous of the
bonds that my brothers have together and all that they have. I wouldn’t trade any of it for the time that
I had with my mom. I am going to miss
her so much.
Last week when we knew things weren’t looking good and
I knew that my days with Mom were few. I
was feeling particularly overwhelmed with sadness. I walked out her back door and found myself
walking along the back of the yard looking at her lilies and the words of a
primary song came into my mind. This
song says it all for me. I often go
walking in meadows of clover and I gather armfuls of blossoms of blue. I gather the blossoms the whole meadow over,
dear mother all flowers remind me of you.
Mom, whenever I look at my lilies or my roses my thoughts will be of
you. I love you!
This is a picture of my mom when she was younger. My cowgirl mom! I love this picture!
This week although I struggle to be grateful for anything I feel I need to be grateful because gratitude brings happiness and I want to be happy. So this week I am grateful for my husband Paul, my daughter Morgan, my son Taylor, and for my Mom. Without each of them I wouldn't be who I am today. I love them all very much. I'm also grateful for answered prayers. Although I hurt, I'm grateful Heavenly Father listened and answered my humble prayers over the past two weeks.
