Peace

For the past several years I have felt anything but peaceful.  The trials of life and the burdens that I felt I have had to carry for the last 6 years have weighed heavily on me.  Even when things were going relatively smoothly I still didn't feel peace.  

Since Taylor passed away and Paul found work peace still eluded me.  I was constantly burdened with this feeling of unrest for Taylor.  Taylor didn't always make the best choices and he had a lot of guilt and burdens that he was carrying around with him.  In the months before Taylor died he had been taking great measures to get his life on track.  He was working hard to turn his life around physically, mentally and emotionally.  He wanted so many things to change.  His repentance process was in full swing.  He had overcome obstacles, had reached out for help.  He as relying on his Savior's atoning sacrifice to heal him and to help make him whole.  I saw the changes in Taylor.  I saw the light of Christ in him and I also saw how Satan was working extra hard on him to discourage him because he knew what Taylor wanted and he didn't want to lose Taylor.  Satan knew what Taylor had to offer those around him.  He knew the good in Taylor and he wanted him to fail.  Taylor had so many goals that he was working to achieve and then he was gone.  All of those things that he had been working for here on earth weren't going to happen here on earth.  These were all things that Taylor now needed to work on from the other side.  I knew what Taylor wanted and where his heart was when he passed away and I knew deep down inside that he was going to be OK, but I was still consumed with unrest.

My head was full of questions,  once Taylor got to the other side, did he change his mind?  Did he decide that he didn't want all that he was working for?  Did he look down on his friends who didn't have the gospel in their lives and think I liked living that way and I don't want to make these changes now?  I know these are all questions that you probably think I am nuts for thinking, but I did.  I had doubts.  I had worries.  I wanted my son to want what the rest of his family has.  I wanted him to have the gospel and all of the blessing that being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints gives to us.  I wanted him to feel that joy and that warmth in knowing the truthfulness and having the holy ghost with him.  I wanted him to find strength in our Savior and come back to the gospel.  But I was left here on earth wondering.  Everyone kept telling me that he was good, that he was OK, that he was happy and a part of me believed that but I still felt uneasy.  

Then last week happened. 

 Doing Taylor's temple work was important to us.  We had been talking about doing this for him since shortly after he died.  We knew that this is what he was working towards here on earth and we wanted to make sure that it got done for him.  But my doubts kept creeping in.  Was Taylor ready?  Did he want the work done?  Where was he in his progression?  Back in February or March of this year I had a feeling come over me one morning that Taylor wanted his work done.  I was so happy.  But it was too soon.  We had to wait a year until we could do his work.  As the months ticked by the doubts crept back into my mind.  Did Taylor really want the work done, or was this my own wishful thinking and did I just think I felt what I did?  I decided it was time to really find out.  I started praying to find the answer.  I prayed daily morning and night asking Heavenly Father to let me know if Taylor was ready and if we did the work would Taylor accept it.  I prayed and prayed and got nothing.  I prayed for months and still nothing.  Then the first week in August I got my answer.  We were driving to a family reunion and I had this feeling that Taylor wanted to attend his best friends temple marriage and he was ready for us to do his work.  He didn't want us to wait any longer he wanted it done NOW.  As I relayed the feelings that the Holy Ghost had given me to Paul we decided it was time.  So last week on the 19th of August we went to the Jordan River Temple and did Taylor's temple work.  Paul was able to be proxy for Taylor and do the work for him.  Paul said he had such a great experience with Taylor that day.  He knew that Taylor was with him and that Taylor was more than ready for this work to be done.  Taylor was happy.  Everything that he was trying to overcome on earth was gone.  He was free of all the pain and suffering that he went through.  He was forgiven and he was ready.  I felt it too.  

Ever since we walked out of the Temple last week I have felt peace.  Peace in knowing that Taylor is good.  That he is happy and that all of his burdens are gone and it is no longer weighing on him.  He is whole and complete free to be the Taylor that he wanted to be and that we knew he was.  I finally feel calm the haunting feelings are gone.  I still miss him terribly.  I miss him as much today as I did a year ago.  My missing him isn't going to change.  I will miss him until I am able to hug him and hold him and see him again.  But I know that he is good and that he is strong and getting stronger and that he will be able to fight Satan when the time comes again and that gives me peace.

This week I am grateful for a worthy husband who was able to do the temple work for Taylor.  I am grateful for our eternal family and the promised blessing of knowing that our family is forever and Paul, Morgan, Taylor and myself as well as the future spouses of Taylor and Morgan will be together and I will be able to hug my son again.  I'm grateful for a beautiful daughter who has a strong testimony.  I'm grateful that even though life gets us down she finds strength in her Savior to get her through.  I grateful for answered prayers. But most of all this week I am grateful for PEACE!

Blessings, Blessings, Blessings...

The last couple of weeks have been filled with so many blessings that I am overwhelmed with gratitude.  I have been so down and feeling discouraged wondering if I was ever going to be able to dig myself out but a couple of weeks ago I received an answer to my prayers.  I had been praying for this answer for quite some time.  The Holy Ghost had told me something earlier in the year, but I had started to doubt that feeling so I began to pray to know if what I felt before was true and I got my answer, and the answer was so profound that I knew I couldn't question it.  (Heavenly Father has figured me out.  He knows how my head works so he made sure I got it good this time.)  I was so happy that I couldn't stop crying.  Heavenly Father is aware of me and he is listening to me.  And since that day the blessing have been pouring in.  Let me share a few of them with you:

My daughter Morgan has been stressing.  She thinks she is so sly and I don't know when things are bothering her, but I do.  And knowing that she was struggling I had been praying for her to feel peace and reassurance.  So when these blessings started pouring in for her I was so grateful.  Even though these  blessings came to her we as a family felt blessed.  Because as you know when one is blessed so is everyone else.  Before I tell you Morgan's blessings let me share a little about her.  Morgan is amazing.  Pure and simple.  This one beautiful woman (ugh I hate typing that,  yes she is a woman now, but she is my baby girl and always will be.) is so gifted and talented.  She doesn't always see it, but she truly is.  She is gorgeous, honest, hardworking, smart, beautiful inside and out, she has a strong testimony of the gospel, she is a good example to her family and friends, she is caring, funny, witty, crazy, loving, compassionate, faithful, strong, courageous, sweet, daring, and basically AMAZEBALLS and  I'm not just saying that because I am her mother.  I could go on and on and I usually do.  So when the blessing started pouring out for her I want you to know that no one deserves them more.  Her first blessing came as a promotion at work and not only does the promotion give her more training and responsibility it also is allowing her to make more money which will help her to pay for all the things that she needs and wants.  This opportunity will also help her grow.  Her next blessing came as a scholarship for her Sophomore year.  All her hard work and dedication to her studies paid off.  This scholarship will help with the financial burdens that a college education can be.  We as a family had been praying for her to be rewarded for her hard work and to allow her burden to be lightened. And our prayer was answered.  So grateful!

My next blessing came in the shape of a nice long weekend in the mountains.  We were able to get away and spend some time as a family enjoying the beautiful mountains that Heavenly Father created for us.  We had a great time with family and friends making memories and sharing laughs.  Morgan and her Dad built a snowman out of snow on a glacier.  Morgan named in Melten Waters, Olaf's North American Cousin.  He was so cute.  Then Morgan and I were able to go on a four wheeler adventure, thanks to our cousins, and she and I had a great time.  We have had a lot of rain here this summer and so all of the wild flowers were still in bloom.  It was so beautiful.  I came home feeling relaxed and full of happiness for a change.

My next blessing came this week.  We as a family were able to go to the temple and do Taylor's temple work.  What a beautiful night that was.  Surrounded by family both here on earth and in heaven.  Knowing that Taylor was there and anxiously waiting for his dad to help him get his work done.  I was so grateful that Paul was worthy to do this work for him.  I am blessed to be married to such an amazing man who honors his priesthood.  I was filled with the spirit that day.  Everything was beautiful. It was a happy day in the Wright family.

These are just a few of the many blessings that we have been blessed with in just a matter of weeks.  There are always blessings around us some that we don't even notice or that we take for granted.  I've learned over the last year to really try hard to look for the blessings and acknowledge them and be grateful for them.  Life is full of challenges and struggles that's why we are here and it is so easy to get overwhelmed by our challenges, I know this first hand it's HARD but taking the time to look for the blessings really helps.  I'm not saying that I don't have bad days, I do and I'm still learning.  Learning to take each day as it comes and working hard each day to see it through whether it's good, bad, or ugly.  I know that if I am close to my Heavenly Father he will help me through. And as I strive to stay close to my Heavenly Father I am learning so much and growing.

BLESSINGS BABY -- YA GOTTA LOVE EM!