It's March -- It's one of my favorite times of the year. Old man winter is waking up and spring is in the air. Tulips and daffodils start popping up, the trees start to blossom and it's like a new day. March is the month where I married my sweetheart the most amazing husband EVER and March is also a time for March Madness a time for copious amounts of college basketball. Our weekends are filled with family and BASKETBALL. We all get together and sit around the big screen and watch hour upon hour of basketball. I know some of you think we are nuts, but for us, it's the greatest time EVER! As I mentioned in my last post, our family is rich in tradition and this is one of our favorite traditions. But just like every other family function I'm reminded that there is a piece of my family that isn't there. OK, I'm pretty sure he is hanging out with us, but I can't see him, so it feels like he isn't there. It's times like these that I wish we could Skype with the other side. Just to see his face and to talk with him and see how he's doing. Catch up on stuff. Have him there in the room with us face to face and here him cheering for Utah to win and for Duke to lose. The ability to listen to him smack talk with his cousins about whatever is going on during the game or how his team is going win. Just to hear his voice tease his sister. Now if that were possible March would truly be the best month ever!
It's hard to believe that me and my amazing hubby have been married 28 years this year. We have had a lot of fun times in those 28 years. Loads of memories both good and bad, happy and sad, stressful and relaxing. Life doesn't always hand us the smooth sailing, life is great days. Life is full of storms that toss us to and frow and test our strengths. I know for a fact that if I hadn't found and married Paul I wouldn't have been able to survive the storms life sends our way. I count myself abundantly blessed, because each and every morning I get to wake up next to the one person on the planet who knows everything there is about me. My good stuff and my not so good stuff, and he still loves me. I truly lucked out when I got him. I can honestly say that I am who I am today because of him. He is my rock! I'm so glad that he and I get to be together forever. He is my best friend!
It's hard to believe that me and my amazing hubby have been married 28 years this year. We have had a lot of fun times in those 28 years. Loads of memories both good and bad, happy and sad, stressful and relaxing. Life doesn't always hand us the smooth sailing, life is great days. Life is full of storms that toss us to and frow and test our strengths. I know for a fact that if I hadn't found and married Paul I wouldn't have been able to survive the storms life sends our way. I count myself abundantly blessed, because each and every morning I get to wake up next to the one person on the planet who knows everything there is about me. My good stuff and my not so good stuff, and he still loves me. I truly lucked out when I got him. I can honestly say that I am who I am today because of him. He is my rock! I'm so glad that he and I get to be together forever. He is my best friend!
It's amazing that this is our second March without Taylor with us. In some ways it feels like time is going by so fast, but in other ways it seems like time is a weight on me. There is a song by the group Bastille entitled Pompeii, in the song there is a couple of lines that every time I hear it, I'm filled with emotion. The words are: If you close your eyes, does it almost feel like nothings changed and all and if you close your eyes does it feel like you've been here before. That's exactly how I feel. So many times I find myself closing my eyes and it feels like everything is how it should be, the kids are healthy and happy. We are all together sitting around the tv watching movies together, or camping, or snowmobiling. Every time it's something different but every time it's something wonderful. The sad part is, that I have to open my eyes and see the world and my life for what it really is. Another in the many more to come days without Tay.
I've really been trying to focus on trying to keep the darkness away and I must say I am improving. I'm able to go for longer stretches of time between teary eyes. I am able to see the good in days now that I didn't see before. I'm able to enjoy a song on the radio and sing-a-long off key and not feel like I'm doing something I shouldn't. I'm able to laugh and have fun without being overcome with guilt. So maybe there is hope for me yet. Morgan and Paul keep telling me Taylor wouldn't want us to stop living and that is true. I am practicing living.
Today I am grateful for family, for music that helps you heal, for Spring, for hubby's and for March Madness. It's the most wonderful time of the year!
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