My Tank Is Empty

I don't know why and I don't know how.  But I can in all honesty say that my "you can make it through this" tank is empty.

Good things are happening, life is OK, but I don't feel OK.  We spent the weekend at our friends cabin.  The room was filled with dear friends and family.  There was laughter, there was card playing, there was good food and through it all I still felt empty.  So many memories are tied to their cabin.  We as a family have been spending time there for years and for some reason this time there I was overwhelmed with memories.  Sweet memories of times with Taylor.  Memories of me rocking him and Morgan to sleep in their old lawn chairs and singing lullabies.  Memories of the kids making forts with the cushions, playing games, laughing and having fun.  Melancholy memories now because Taylor is gone and Morgan isn't a little girl anymore.

Now we are home I still just feel empty.    I miss Taylor so much and Morgan is on a lovely vacation and I miss her too. The only sunny part of this equation is that Morgan will be home soon and I can see her smiling face everyday.  Taylor on the other hand, not so much.  All I want to do is to just sit down and cry and feel sorry for myself. Obviously that isn't going to solve anything, but that is how I feel.  All I've done for three days is cry.  I need my tank filled.  I know that I should be grateful.  Like I said things are going pretty good.  But no matter what I do to try to get out of this it isn't working.

I'm turning to my Heavenly Father and giving it to him with the hopes that my tank gets filled up so that I can continue on.  I've got responsibilities, I got people counting on me and right now I'm good for nothing.

Pray for me please.  I say that with a smile since I know that nobody reads my posts, but it still feels good to ask for prayers. So if you do read this and you do pray for me.  THANK YOU!

This week I'm grateful for the sweet memories of the growing up years of my children and I'm grateful for prayer.